


The Balance

by softboyholland



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friendship/Love, Help, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Please Don't Hate Me, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Star Wars Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softboyholland/pseuds/softboyholland
Summary: It's been four months since the battle on Crait took place.Kylo Ren, now the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and the most powerful man in the galaxy, has never felt more alone.Rey, ever the scavenger, fights for survival among The Resistance, sacking ships for their resources. Essentially a privateer for Leia Organa, she has never felt so lost.A bond once shared has gone silent. But as secrets are revealed, lives are lost, and betrayal ensues, both Rey and Kylo may learn that their bond won't be so easily broken.





	1. Prologue

Kylo Ren, Jedi-Slayer, Supreme Leader of the First Order, and the most powerful man in the galaxy, hated two sounds above all others. First, the incessant blabbering of Armitage Hux, his partner that appeared infatuated with dodging death (much to Kylo's eternal annoyance), and second … Well, it wasn't exactly a sound, but rather the lack of it; the silence that had plagued him the last two weeks. 

Now, however, he prayed for that silence. If only so he wouldn't feel the strong impulse to run his “partner” through with his lightsaber. 

“You're telling me that this mere scavenger managed to board the dreadnought, disarm you, murder the Supreme Leader, and all the while evade death by the hands of the praetorian guards?” 

“Yes.” 

Hux continued. Kylo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “She didn't just evade them, either. She destroyed them. Every last one.”

“Yes.” 

General Hux, it would seem, still felt inclined to interrogate Kylo on the fight that took place that day. Given the rather … unexplainable situation Hux had found him in, Kylo had been forced to improvise. And yes, maybe his lie was unconvincing (to say the least), but nobody dared to challenge him on it, whether in respect or fear, Kylo didn't know. Some small, festering part of him silently hoped for the latter. 

“And you were doing what, exactly? Enjoying a nap?” 

All humans, Kylo had decided, could be placed into two catagories: those who were brave fools, and those who were simply fools. It didn't take one of high intelligence to figure out which category General Hux belonged to. 

“Are you insulting me, General?” Kylo asked, his voice a soothing ripple in the tide of the throne room. His fingers twitched, barely, as he thinned the air surrounding the General. The Supreme Leader felt no small amount of satisfaction at seeing the ginger-haired headache choke and sputter, hands rising to claw at his throat as he fell to his knees. “I'd be careful what you say to me. Don't forget that you can easily be replaced, Armitage. I could sever your head from your shoulders before your mouth ever opened to beg for your miserable life.” 

The General's eyes bulged, and that was fear, real fear, in his eyes as the life drained out of him. 

“But I won't,” Kylo said, releasing him before he could black out. “As of now, you're still useful to me. But my patience is wearing thin, General.” 

Hux, to his credit, understood the dismissal. He stood, straightened the lapels of his uniform, issued a faint bow that one might consider to be of disrespect, and took his leave. 

You're a monster, a voice whispered. 

She did that. Winding her way into his thoughts when he least expected it. The force-bond had been firmly shut for the last two weeks, a door that had been figuratively (and literally) slammed in his face, yet somehow she managed to plague him in memories. It happened at the most inopportune times: during war-council meetings (she would curse and shout vulgar things in his face as he planned her friends' destruction), in the middle of interrogations (she would cock her head to the side, one brow raised as if to say, “It's no fun when they don't fight back, is it, Ben?”), and when he shut his eyes, futile in his attempts to sleep (she would simply look at him, saying nothing, with sadness and disappointment in her eyes). After the first week, when that image of her wouldn't leave no matter how much he drank, or how hard he trained, or how many things he destroyed, he decided he didn't need sleep. It was a tedious activity anyways. He had things to do, people to kill. A galaxy to restore. The Supreme Leader wouldn't achieve any of those things in sleep. Not unless he somehow managed to become exponentially productive while passed out. Highly unlikely. No, sleep, Kylo determined, was unnecessary. His extreme lack of it, however, showed in the shadows that stained the skin below his eyes, like someone had smudged paint there. 

You're a monster, that voice, her voice, came again. It was as though she was right there beside him. Her breath kissed his ear, sending shivers down his spine. The scavenger had such a power over him, and he hated her for it. 

“Leave me,” Kylo spoke to his guards issued against the walls of the throne room. These guards were disciplined, and filed out of the room silently without objection. 

Kylo Ren was left completely and utterly alone, and felt the weight of his persona slip from his shoulders like a coat. He slumped in his throne. A throne that he had done so much to attain, broken and bled and killed for; he'd left so many things behind to get here. Let so many things go. For a title and a chair. 

Kylo told himself it was enough. 

You're a monster, a voice said. Not hers. 

He had his weapon drawn and blazing within moments. 

A figure took shape below the dais his throne was perched on. It took Kylo a moment to realize it was his voice. Ben Solo's voice. The young boy he was, with troubled parents and an even more troubled mind, a ghost before him. The boy he was before his crave for validation and power had corrupted his mind. Before the need to claim a new title, divided from the one his parents had shoved down his throat all his life, consumed him.

Shame and disgust shone in the boy's eyes, and Kylo saw hate there too. Hate at what he had become. 

You failed me, the boy seemed to say. You're a monster. 

“Yes I am.” 

The Supreme Leader's voice echoed off the walls of the desolate chamber. 

And that young boy faded into shadow, as though he never was.


	2. The Supreme Leader Has Erectile Dysfunction

Four Months Later

Rey was prone to getting herself into a shitload of trouble. It was her own fault, she supposed, as heavy footsteps and the unforgivable sound of blasters being drawn echoed throughout her piece-of-trash ship. She shifted uncomfortably in her bonds, stiff from sitting in the same position for too long. Propped up against a wall in the cockpit of her ship, she felt a spike of fear (or was it excitement) when a group of five or six rugged-looking men rounded the corner, only to discover Rey with her hands tied precariously behind her back. She had a bruise staining her left cheek from the rigorous training with Finn and the others, adding the propaganda she hoped was enough to deceive the space pirates. 

“You!” The first one called. A quick glance at the way he carried himself, and Rey knew without a doubt that he was their captain. Self-serving righteousness emanated off of him. 

“Oh, please help me!” Rey, with no small amount of distaste, batted her eyelashes at the men, implementing the picture of innocence to her elegant facade. “My ship's been sacked. My crew, and husband with it, all slain.” She willed her eyes to water. “Please, help me,” she said with a sob, hiding her face from the gang (lest they recognize her and alert a certain Supreme Leader of her whereabouts). They looked somewhat disgruntled, peering over at one another, not a single one of them aware of the procedure in a case like this. It was almost comical. 

The captain approached her cautiously, as though not to scare her further. Rey resisted the urge to smile; everything was proceeding precisely as planned. 

“It's alright, Miss,” the man said, kneeling before her. He had an impressive beard going for him, and breath that stank of low-quality alcohol. “Do you have any information on the people who did this to you?”

“I-I don't k-know.” Sniff. “They locked onto our ship and-and it was a bloodbath.” Sob. “My husband, Tom, was by my side one moment, then gone the next!” The crew, Rey could tell, was becoming antsy (shifting on their feet, eyes darting from one location to the next awfully quickly). They didn't want to be the next ship reduced to carrion. But the captain stayed, as all captains had done thus far. He wanted to glean any information he could from the helpless widow on their potential enemy. Space pirates, Rey had learned, were very predictable. And made excellent pray for her crew. 

The helpless widow grasped the captain's hand. “Please don't leave me here. They might very well come back for the valuables left behind!” 

Greed lit up the pirate's eyes like a match. 

“Valuables, you say.” He looked back at his crew, whose focus had honed completely on her. “What kind of valuables?” 

The story always changed. Sometimes it was shipments of specialized weapons for the First Order, other times a pleasure drug to be delivered (in hefty amounts) to Canto Bight. This time, however, the idea had come from Poe, and it was absolutely ridiculous. 

“The Supreme Leader ordered a shipment of erectile dysfunction treatment drugs.”

Silence. Rey held back her wince and flexed her wrists, preparing for a fight to break out. 

But the captain tipped his head back and howled, the crew following suit, until the entire ship, every nook and cranny, was filled to the brim with boastful laughter. 

“You honestly expect me to believe you?” The captain asked (or rather taunted), wiping his eyes as he did so. 

Damn you, Poe, Rey thought silently. She'd lost at a game of Dejarik the other night, and this was the price the pilot had waged. Rey had replied with, “I always love a challenge, Dameron.” Now, however, she wasn't quite so sure. This would take some good, old-fashioned fraudulence to worm her way out of. And mendacious deeds tended to be Poe's forte, not hers (though Rey had become exponentially better at them over the last few months). 

“The First Order had promised to pay us handsomely, but now …”

Just like that, she had them, clenched tightly within her grasp. Every eye was on her, and Rey watched as they ate up her words. 

“Yes?” 

That glint of greed. Oh, the captain was eager. Much more eager than the previous ships Rey and the others had sacked.

Rey continued to spoon-feed them their yearning, shifting in her bonds. “Now, I have no crew, no way to fly the medication to Jakku …” 

The captain glanced at his men, a silent order: search the ship. 

Rey tilted her head inconspicuously to the left, a signal for her own people. Two can play at that game, captain, Rey thought silently. As if noticing a shift, the captain turned back to her. But it was not suspicion in those beady eyes, only a spark of lust and invincibility that power ignited within men. That, coupled with a certain hunger when he looked Rey up and down lazily, a malicious smile cracking apart his withering face. 

“We could use a women like yourself on board, you know.” His teeth were rotted stumps, and Rey held back a shudder as he leaned in close so he could whisper in her ear. A hand slipped around her waist as the captain said, “You look like your soft in all the right places.” 

Rey had stopped crying. That was his first sign that something was perhaps amiss. 

The Jedi looked the captain straight in the eyes. “I hope you're proud of that sentence, captain. Because it is the last one your miserable mouth will ever speak again.” 

Surprise lit up in the captain's eyes as Rey broke her bonds swiftly, the sounds of her friends jumping out from where they were hiding echoing throughout the ship. And, when chaos and screaming and the sound of blasters being fired ensued, there was something akin to admiration in the man's eyes before Rey ended him with her blaster. A blaster that had been in her hand from the very beginning. Such a shame they didn't search her for weapons, Rey thought with a small smile when the captain's body hit the ground with an echoing thud, lifeless. Yet another time someone underestimated her.  
You come from nothing. You're nothing.

The thought was upon her before Rey had the chance to snuff it out. 

She shrugged it off. 

Releasing a battle cry to rattle even the stars, Rey launched herself into the thick of battle, as she had done repeatedly (toeing the line of self-destructive, as Finn constantly reminded her) the last four months. The captain's crew and her own were battling in the shit-hole that was their ship, some blasted piece of trash that had been restored from the abandoned rebel base on Endor. It was obvious who would be victorious, as it always was. The now dead captain's numbers were already dwindling. There was Finn, valiant as always, taking them down one by one as though they were nothing. Rose was there too, along with a young man, no older than Rey, that they had recruited from the Resistance two months previous. And, of course, Poe Dameron, winding his way through their numbers, bringing men down using his pristine aim with a blaster, smiling like the devil himself. 

Her friends, bless them, did not falter. They stood as one unyielding force against the space pirates. One blade to strike all those who opposed them down. Rey had to admit that she liked this small piece of power, even found herself craving more of it. But it was being with her friends that grounded her, kept her from losing control, or even worse, herself. 

With a blaster in one hand, and concentrated Force in the other, Rey was cutting men down as though they were stalks of wheat. Again and again and again. 

Until the rush of the fight consumed her. 

 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

The crew entered the rebel base to the sound of cheers, what was left of the Resistance celebrating the return of their friends. Resistance members hauled the cargo from the ship Rey and her friend's had sacked, already scouring through the resources in hopes to find anything useful. Finn, Rose, and Poe stopped to help, but Rey was already headed for her room, in need of a long, hot shower. She couldn't get the feeling of that man's hands on her, his breath in her face when he claimed she looked “soft in all the right places”, the way he looked at her as if she were just a thing, and then his eyes as they went out like a match, and- 

“Rey, wait up!” 

It was Poe. Rey, with the thought of the man she had killed still fresh in her mind, slowed just enough for the pilot to catch up. 

“What is it?” 

“You seemed different tonight. Is … is everything okay?” 

Rey hated the concern in his voice, the way he had seemed to take a liking to her these past few months.

“S'fine. I just need a shower,” she said, stopping at her door and reaching for the handle. 

“I saw that bastard put his hands on you. And if he didn't die such a miraculous death at your hands, I would have killed him myself.” Poe smiled, that smile that made Rey melt a little. “Slowly,” he added, winking. 

Despite her sour mood, Rey found her lips curling upwards. 

“Finn and I are gonna play a round of holo-chess, if you're interested.” 

Poe was leaning against the door frame. He was always leaning on things. Rey couldn't decide if he did it for charismatic effect or if he just had a bad back. 

“I think I'll pass,” she said, hesitating in the doorway. His smile fell, barely, but Rey still caught it. “I'm just … tired. And I don't ever want to use the words 'erectile dysfunction' and 'the Supreme Leader' in the same sentence again.” 

“Sore loser, huh Jedi?” 

He was goading her, the bastard. And it was working. 

“We both know I could beat your ass without ever breaking a sweat, Dameron.” 

“Not at holo-chess. I'm a fucking god when it comes to that game.” 

Rey rolled her eyes, but grinned all the same. “You're on, fly boy.” 

Poe sighed, slinging an arm around her shoulders. 

“I knew you'd say that.” 

“Of course you did.” 

Rey, despite herself, felt lighter as they walked down the hall, and the bickering and teasing chased away the shadows that haunted her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know 70 hits in a day isn't that much to a lot of people, but it means so much to me. Thank you! Kudos and comments really do help to keep me writing (in other words, I need validation help). Don't hesitate to comment! I love hearing from readers (give me the attention I crave). And for those who are wondering, YES there will be some rather sexy scenes in the coming chapters, so you have that to look forward to ;)


	3. Self-Destructive Tendencies . . . Among Other Things

“Ren, are you even listening to me? REN.” 

Kylo woke with a start. Momentary panic consumed him, and it took a few seconds for him to remember where he was. When he did, he felt the sudden urge to impale himself on his light-saber. . 

He had fallen asleep in the middle of a meeting. Again. 

Shit. He silently cursed himself. 

“Yes, yes I was listening. Go on.” 

Hux, along with the other generals, didn't seem convinced. But Kylo cared little of their opinion. Cared little of anything lately.

“As I was saying, there has been no rebel activity for months. Planets with rebellious tendencies have all bowed to the First Order and it's Supreme Leader. As for the illustrious radicals who managed to escape the day Supreme Leader Snoke was murdered, we are diving into our data to uncover old rebel bases from the age of the Death Star.” 

That was the thing about rebels. They always scurried back to old, forgotten homes held within the dust of memory. Finding them was simply a matter of searching in the right places. The First Order had been scouring the galaxy for any sign of the rebels for four months now, in search of the Last Jedi. 

Rey. Her name was there and gone. 

Kylo sucked in a breath, but kept his face otherwise neutral. 

She was always creeping up on him. 

“It won't be long now until we find the rebel base they've squatted in, and destroy them once and for all,” said Hux, a self-righteous smile (that still looked as though he had smelled something quite unpleasant) spreading across his face. Murmurs of praise and excitement swept through the chamber.

“Well said, General,” said Captain Kamorov, the man who had taken over Captain Phasma's position after her untimely death. “Very well said indeed.” 

Kylo wasn't sure he had ever seen such a shit-eating grin on Armitage. 

“My question, however, is about the girl. The Jedi, as you call her.” 

Kylo's breath hitched at the tone. The disgust in the Captain's voice. 

“What about her?” the Supreme Leader asked, trying to keep his voice even. The Captain leaned forward, elbows rested on the table. He had graying hair, and skin that was crumpled and stained with age. Like old parchment. Piercing blue eyes sank deep into his head, eyes that Kylo swore he could feel raking down his spine every time the Captain glanced his way. 

“She remains to be a beacon of hope to the rebels, and rebel sympathizers. While she bides her time, gaining strength, the rebellion will too gain strength. It is time we draw her out, rather than let her arouse the spark of the rebels into unforgiving flame.” 

“And how do you suggest we do that, Captain?” General Hux asked, after a too-long silence from Kylo. 

“Those radicals, despite their ability to return from the depths of defeat like roaches, are soft. Lighthearted. Not to mention insufferably stupid when it comes to loyalty, and what they would attempt to save one of their own.” The captain paused, peering across the table with glacial eyes. “It's simple, really,” he continued. “We find rebel sympathizers, imprison them, have a public execution for the entire galaxy to witness. We broadcast it, make sure the rebel scum know it is their people who are paying for their cowardice. Then we call out the girl. Single her out, build a divide between her and her friends, until the guilt, and shame, forces her to surrender to us.” 

Kylo couldn't breathe. His hand shifted ever so slightly to his light-saber, before he caught himself. He couldn't strike down the man who would win him this war (as much as he desired to). And besides, didn't he want Rey to be by his side again? Fighting with him? For him?

Not like this, said a voice in his head. Kylo brushed it aside, as he did all thoughts of her, and tried to focus on something else, like the feeling of his nails biting through his leather gloves and into his flesh. It seemed to help, the small pain. He dig his nails in harder. 

Hushed banter encompassed the war-council. 

“… could work …”

“… use her own heroism against her …” 

“… bitch'll finally get what she deserves…” 

The last comment made the Supreme Leader's skin crawl. 

“Well, Ren?” Hux turned the attention to Kylo, who released a breath he had been holding. 

They were waiting for a reaction. The loss of control over his emotions that betrayed him time and time again. A tantrum, screaming, killing, something. 

He wasn't planning on giving them what they wanted. 

“Your plan is brilliant, Captain.” The words seared his tongue. “But it needs to be seamless. No mistakes.” 

He thought about Rey. How this plan, the torturing of her people, would undoubtedly draw her out. He thought about how she left him, how the lightsaber was returned to his belt when he woke. She did that. She must have. The thought of her rummaging through his clothing, trying to find where he kept his weapon, made his lips curve upwards, until he remembered that she was across the galaxy, running from him. A knife twisted between his ribs. 

“We can't risk losing them again,” he said. 

The war-council agreed. The plans would be set in motion in the following weeks. But the world phased in and out of focus, and Kylo found himself unable to think clearly, to listen to the orders General Hux was giving without Kylo's consent. He wanted to care. 

But he didn't. 

The only thought, a consuming one, was echoing within his mind over and over and over:

I can't risk losing her again. 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Rey drank too much. She hadn't meant to, but one drink had led to two, than three, than seven. She'd lost count after seven. Finn had cut her off when she was ready to bet Kylo's half of her light-saber on a game of holo-chess. 

“If you're going to blame someone on my current state,” Rey said, the words falling clumsily off her tongue as Poe walked (well, more like carried) her to her chambers. “Blame yourself.” 

He raised his hands. “Hey, I invited you to play an innocent game-”

“Holo-chess is anything but innocent.”

“-not to drink yourself into a stupor.” 

“But it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun at three drinks, would it?” 

Poe smiled down at her, giving her a look that she couldn't decipher. Especially with the room spinning. 

“You really are one of a kind, you know that?” He said, his voice taking on that gritty, rough sound that it got when he was tired. 

“Do you know what they call me?” 

Rey stumbled, but Poe was there to catch her. He always was. In battles, and everywhere else, she could count on him to be there, fighting alongside her, protecting her. 

“What's that?” 

Was his voice husky? Rey couldn't tell anymore. The world was underwater, everything slow and drowsy and distorted. 

She was leaning into the pilot as they reached her door. His hand was around her waist, and she felt her skin burning where his fingers touched. 

Something, or someone, was shouting at her, telling her not to be so stupid. So reckless. But what did Rey have if not her recklessness? 

The thought shook her so thoroughly that she leaned forward, and pressed her lips onto Poe's.  
He froze, then melted into her. She put her hands around his neck, her body flush against his own, and forced him to back up into the door of her chambers. Her fingers threaded through his hair, nails scratching against scalp. His hands were on her hips, and she pressed them into his harder. He groaned, and was about to reach for the door-handle when he stilled. Then pulled away. 

They were both breathing hard. Rey could see the desire in his eyes even as her vision swam. 

“The last Jedi,” she breathed. Confusion glazed those molten-brown eyes.

“What?” 

“That's what they're calling me, the galaxy. The last Jedi.” 

“Oh.” 

Rey was leaning forwards again, planning on doing much more than kissing, when something terrible happened. Her stomach was turning in on itself, and as she opened her mouth to tell Poe she was about to die, she threw up. 

All over his shoes. 

Well, fuck, Rey thought as she spewed chunks onto the floor. Poe yelled something (undoubtedly a stream of filthy curses), before opening her door and carrying her inside. Rey didn't remember much after that. She threw up again, this time into a washbasin (thank the Maker). Someone was holding back her hair and rubbing her back. A liquid was forced down her throat, something bitter and warm, that initially made her want to vomit again but calmed her stomach. Then she was being tucked into her bed, her hair brushed away from her face. 

Rey thought she felt someone kiss her temple before the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently I'm listening to Cherry Wine by Hozier and it's just ... ah. My emotions. Makes me think of Reylo (as everything does these days), and also makes me want to cry (because Kylo is my sad emo son who needs to be happy). If you guys want me to put out a writing playlist (the playlist I listen to when writing this book, though that was probably self-explanatory), let me know! Leave a comment if you'd like. No Pressure. Though I am one of those humans who craves validation to feed my inspiration ;)


	4. Jealousy Looks Good on the Supreme Leader

“I've never felt so alone.” 

Her voice was trembling. She looked so small, wrapping her harms around herself; not at all like the girl who slashed his face open in the forest. She was going to kill him then. They both knew it. And he would have let her. But something, probably the fact that the planet was about to explode (though something in Kylo thought it was more than that), separated them. 

In this moment, Kylo wanted nothing more than to stop the pain that was written all over her face. The fact that she was being so vulnerable with him… He did not know what to think of it. 

“You're not alone,” he said. I'm here. You have me. He hoped it was enough. Snoke was right, he did have compassion for her. 

Rey looked up at him, and as their eyes met he felt his breath hitch. She looked at him in a way nobody had. Not with fear, or anger, no, this was something else. Something he had never seen before. 

“Neither are you.” 

The words hit Kylo Ren like a blow to the chest, and all the air went out of him in one great whoosh. Because he had always been alone. At home, when his father left and his mother sent him away. With the other Jedi, who marked him as something other, something to be avoided. With his uncle, who wanted him dead. And with Snoke, who only allowed him to live for his own crave for power and destruction. 

Yet here was this girl, this scavenger, telling him he wasn't. Telling him he had her. 

This was something the Supreme Leader could not comprehend. 

And then she was reaching for him. Her hand, slim and delicate, was held out before him. She wanted him to touch her. He didn't know why, wanted to stop but couldn't because every cell in his body wanted this, wanted her, and he was tugging off his glove, a glove that he never took off in the presence of others. His fingers were curled inwards. He was frightened, Kylo realized with a jolt. It had been years since anyone had touched his skin. But he wanted it to be Rey. Wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached for her. 

She didn't balk at him. Just continued to look at him with the remnants of hurt swimming in her eyes. 

Their fingers were touching. Barely. But it felt like she was touching all of him, every fiber of his being. He heard Rey's sharp intake of breath. 

And then the world shattered, and he was seeing a little girl in pain. She was screaming. 

“Take the money, and let's get out of here.” 

There was a man and a woman huddled against the sun, speaking in hushed tones with a droid. 

“Are we sure they won't hurt her?” 

“Who cares. Let's go.” 

The girl continued to scream, and there was something familiar about her, about the three little buns she kept her hair in. Rey. 

The droid held out a sack that jingled with the unmistakable sound of coins. The woman, who Kylo couldn't see due to the layer of fabric over her eyes, held out a shaking hand, and took the satchel. 

“She's all yours,” said the man. He placed one hand on the woman's back, and started leading her away from the child. Rey was thrashing in the grip of the man who had just bought her, screaming for her parents. They didn't look back as they climbed aboard the ship. Rey continued screaming as they ignited the engine, as they took off into the vastness of space. 

As they left her behind on Jakku. 

The world was changing again, morphing into a junkyard on another planet. Kylo saw the body of the man and the woman, Rey's parents, lying in the dirt of an unmarked grave. He didn't feel sorry for them, didn't feel anything but a festering resentment and satisfaction. 

And then he was with Rey again. Not in the hut, but in Snoke's throne room. Only Snoke wasn't there. It was just him and Rey, each seated on a throne side by side, as equals. 

She looked at him and smiled. 

The breath was knocked from his chest as he returned to the hut, his hand and Rey's still touching. 

It was in that hut with Rey, after seeing what could only be his future with her, that Kylo felt something he hadn't felt in years: hope. 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

The dream splintered apart. Kylo Ren bolted upright, chest heaving as he gasped for air. 

He'd been having this dream over and over again for the past four months, and couldn't seem to get it out of his head. The sleeping tonic he was taking now didn't help, seemed to only heighten those dreams. He swore he could feel Rey's hand against it own just as clearly as he had months ago.

The Supreme Leader slipped his feet from the warmth of his covers, and was reaching for a glass of water when he felt it: something down the bond. It was unmistakable, and he had been waiting for it (albeit eagerly) for so damn long that he latched onto it. 

It was hazy, as though he was behind a pane of fogged glass. Kylo could see her, Rey, walking and talking with someone (though he couldn't see who). She was stumbling, swaying: drunk. Why had she been drinking? She's nineteen, Kylo reminded himself. The thought made him pause. He had never considered how young she was. Rey was barely a woman, and yet she already was faced with the task of facing down the First Order. 

The thought shattered when he saw Rey stumble and fall. Before she could collapse onto the floor, someone caught her. Jealously swooped in, slippery and unwelcome. He wanted to be the one to help her home after too much to drink. He wanted to be the one to catch her when she fell. 

Jealousy was a grotesque emotion; one that Kylo hadn't been used to feeling. At least not in the context of a girl. He felt something trail down his spine then, something he had trouble identifying at first. Pleasure. It was pleasure that someone else was making Rey feel. 

Kylo pulled away from the bond so quickly he fell off the bed, banging his head on the wall opposite. 

“Fuck.” 

Sitting on the floor, Kylo almost wanted to laugh at himself for being so foolish. Of course she was with someone else. Whatever she felt for him, whatever bond they'd shared briefly, was gone. He broke it when he decided not to save her friends. 

He broke it. He ruined it.

Kylo picked up the glass and threw it. It smashed against the opposite wall, raining water and broken pieces of glass. 

He screamed, pulling at his hair until it stung. 

He ruined everything. 

And he'd lost her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter from ya girl. Hope you liked it! <3


	5. Kylo Ren Unequivocally Loathes Cantonica

Rey had faced death on multiple occasions in her nineteen years of life. The first, when she was five years old, she had fallen down a large dune on Jakku. She was rolling for what felt like hours, her frail body twisting and breaking in some places. She was lucky she hadn't broken her neck, and instead had a broken wrist, several bruises, and a rather gruesome scar she wore like a badge. The second was when she was eleven, and almost lost her grip on the side of the grounded dreadnought she had been scavenging. The plummet would have surely ended her life. The third, well, that fight on Jakku with Finn could have killed her in numerous ways. After that, she'd faced death too many times to count. 

But non of them had been as fucking painful as the splitting headache she woke with the next morning. 

The last Jedi woke to a harsh knocking on her door (which to her felt like someone was slamming the side of her head into a wall repeatedly). She yelled something along the lines of “fuck off” in response, before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Not fifteen minutes later, the person didn't bother with knocking and simply strolled inside. 

“For fuck's sake, if you don't leave here at once I swear to the Maker I will-” 

“Ah, nothing like death threats to wake you up in the morning.” 

Poe Dameron. Of course it was him. 

“Some people like coffee, or sunshine.” The mattress dipped, and Rey realized with a jolt of annoyance that he was actually laying down on her bed. “Or sex,” he said with a devilish smile. “But I myself prefer a good threat of beheading. Really spurs me into action, you know? Gets the blood flowing to all the right places.” Rey nuzzled her head under the pillows with a muffled, “Just make yourself at home then, why don't you.” 

“Though I suppose sex would do that too.” Rey lifted the pillow, raising an eyebrow at the pilot. “So?” he asked. Rey felt herself go red. There was no way in hell that he was truly asking her to have sex with him. 

“What?” she sputtered. 

Poe simply smiled. 

Rey resisted the urge to slap him, and settled for throwing a pillow at his stupid face. He caught it, then placed it behind his head and leaned back. 

“What even happened last night?” Rey asked as she chugged one glass of water, then another. 

“Before or after you gave the entire resistance a strip tease?” 

Rey choked. Water dribbled from her mouth to the floor. 

“Kidding, kidding! Fucking hell, Rey,” Poe whined as he flicked water off of his leather jacket. “No stripping took place last night. To my knowledge.” 

Rey glared daggers at him. 

“Seriously. I don't remember anything.” 

“Well I guess nothing important happened then.” Rey gave him a look that said, go on, fly boy. Poe sighed. “The night started and ended with you and Finn getting overly competitive. Around six or seven drinks in, you decided to bet your broken lightsaber, even though it was obvious Finn was going to win. So he called off the game and asked me to bring you back to your room.” 

“That's it?” 

Rey had expected more. With the pounding headache throbbing relentlessly, she thought the amount of alcohol consumed would have caused her to do something foolish. Guess not, she thought with relief. 

“I mean you did kiss me and ask for sex-” 

“WHAT?” 

“-before throwing up all over my shoes.” 

If Rey thought she had been blushing before, it was nothing compared to the flush now spreading down her neck. 

“Oh, god, Poe, I'm so sorry. I-” 

“Stop freaking out, young padawan. I was flattered,” he said as he lifted the pillow she had been mushing into her face with embarrassment. She didn't want to look him in the eye; couldn't. 

“Seriously. I'm pretty sure the entire galaxy wants to get into the last Jedi's pants.” 

Rey attempted a laugh, but it sounded more like panicked honking. 

“I mean, you are, like, the chosen one,” he yell-whispered, making an arcing motion with his hands. Rey stuck her tongue out at him, before swinging her legs out from the bed and standing up.  
Big. Mistake. 

The blood rushed to her head so quickly she stumbled forwards and placed her hands on the wall to keep herself from collapsing. 

Poe was at her side within seconds, hands on her back to keep her from swaying. 

“You good?” he asked, his face mere centimeters away from hers. Rey just nodded, before stepping out of his arms and hurrying (well, as fast as her legs could carry her without giving out) to the fresher. 

She didn't know what this thing was between her and Poe, but she had enough on her plate as it was. Worrying about whether or not he planned to join her as she turned on the shower was stupid. She heard the sound of his shuffling footsteps move across the floor of her room, out the door. 

Rey huffed out a sigh, and stepped into the steamy confines of the shower, casting the thought of Poe and everything else that was unimportant far from her mind. 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

The shower wasn't nearly as soothing as Rey had hoped it would be. Within five minutes she was beginning to remember what had occurred the night before. What she had done. 

Her lips tingled with the memory of their kiss, other parts of her longing for the pleasure and surety his hands had made her feel. It felt … Well, she didn't know how to explain it exactly. She had never experienced the inescapable and all-consuming sensation of safety. Of family. Of home. But with Poe, with everyone in the resistance, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she could. Eventually. 

Even if a piece was missing. 

There was something that had been prodding at her, among the memory of Poe's lips. Something, or rather someone, who made her … Guilty. That's what is was: guilt. Rey didn't know why. Ben made his choice, and they never made any promises. They never said what they were. 

And he chose power. He would always choose power. Had proven that time and time again- 

“For Maker's sake,” Rey cursed when the hot water suddenly turned frigid. She must have been in the shower for longer than she meant to. Damn it; Leia would kill her if she used up all the hot water again. 

Resources were limited, here on Endor. They didn't need much of them (only thirty resistance fighters survived the battle on Crait), but the only way to attain food and clothing and other necessities was to sack other ships that they came across. Rey wasn't complaining: it was better than Jakku. 

Anything is better than Jakku. 

Rey had just finished dressing when a harsh knock sounded. 

“Come on, hot shot, Leia ordered a meeting! We're late!” 

“Bastard,” Rey said through clenched teeth as she crossed the room and threw open the door. 

“I thought I told you to never call me by my birth name, young padawan,” Poe replied as he strolled inside. Without being invited in. Rey let out an exasperated sound as she buckled a belt across her hips, and slid her favored blaster into its holster. She turned to find Poe staring at her, eyes sparkling. 

“Huh.”

“What?” 

“Nothing,” he said as he placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her outside. 

“You just look stunning is all.” 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Kylo Ren unequivocally loathed Cantonica. The brightness of it all, the people. He always had a perpetual headache for days after visiting the casino planet, and not just from the drinking (though it was definitely a contributing factor). But most of all he hated the parties. Droids, humans, and other species alike all thrusting up against each other, gambling their lives away. While others, like him, were trying to bring a new order to the galaxy. A part of him could see why the rebel scum took pleasure in trashing the place months ago. He knew he would. 

The Supreme Leader slouched in a luxurious chair swathed in leather, frowning down at the drink that some droid had placed in his hand upon entry. He hadn't been craving the distraction that alcohol promised before landing. He sure as hell was now. 

When general Hux told him they were needed in Canto Bight, Kylo Ren's first reaction was to throw himself from the dreadnought. 

“Whispers of rebellion have made their way to us, Supreme Leader. We must squander it before it grows,” Hux had told him. 

Kylo would have preferred training until his very bones throbbed, but this, he had to agree, was an urgent matter. Rebellions, he had learned, were like weeds. And he planned on purging them before they had the chance to spread. 

Still, Canto Bight was most assuredly Kylo Ren's least favorite planet. 

“Why so gloomy, my lord?” crooned a sultry voice from behind him. 

Kylo didn't bother to look at her as he said, “It's non of your concern.” 

“Oh, I'd have to disagree.” He could sense her sauntering over to him, could feel the sway of her hips and the cocky smile that tugged her lips upwards. “You see, I'm on strict orders to make sure your visit here is a …” She paused, one of her slim, feminine fingers trailing down his arm in a silent promise. The fact that she touched him without his permission … “pleasurable one.” Before he could stop her she climbing, nimble like one of those dancers Kylo had seen on occasion at one of General Hux’s galas, on his lap. 

Well, then. 

She leaned into him, the smell of her perfume intoxicating as her breath kissed his ear. “You can do whatever you want with me, Supreme Leader. Tonight,” she pulled back, and her cheeks were flushed, her eyes glazed with desire as she declared, “I'm yours.” 

Rey's face flashed briefly. The most inopportune moments, Kylo thought begrudgingly. He didn't want to think about Rey. About his failure as Supreme Leader. About the new Captain and his plan to bring Rey and her friends to their knees. He didn't want to think about anything, except this beautiful young woman before him, willingly offering something he simply could not refuse. He couldn't deny the arousal spiking within him at the courtesan's beauty. Especially after he downed the rest of his drink. 

“What's your name?” He asked, his breath coming in pants as the women slid further up his lap, resting directly on top of his- 

“Ayala,” she breathed. She had full lips, and inky dark hair that fell down her back in luscious waves. 

“Ayala,” Kylo repeated, tasting her name on his tongue, wanting to taste other parts of her. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she writhed on him. 

It must be so strenuous denying what you really want, Ben. 

Kylo growled, crashing his lips onto Ayala's. They were soft, full, everything he had been hoping for. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, just as the courtesan palmed the significant bulge that had formed beneath his trousers. The Supreme Leader groaned, tugging Ayala closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. 

She pulled away, but continued rubbing him through his pants. Kylo's head fell back against the chair, enjoying her ministrations. All shame at what they were doing in public faded to nothing, misting away as he breathed in her perfume. He distantly remembered a warning that the courtesans of Cantonica laced their perfume with some kind of drug that produced pleasure hormones. In the moment, however, Kylo didn't care. He felt his persona lifting off his shoulders, his guilt and mourning and loss all melting into a need that only Ayala could fill. 

You're really going to take her to bed? A prostitute, Ben? 

Kylo willed Rey to shut up as he ran his hands over Ayala's voluptuous curves, her breasts. He needed this. More than anything else. And Rey, of course, was ruining it. 

Can't you see what she's doing to you? It's all a distraction. Something to keep you preoccupied while darker dealings commence without your approval. Even I can see that, and I'm not even here. 

Kylo Ren attempted to ignore her words, wanted to desperately. But he couldn't deny how the room was spinning, colours bleeding into each other, and he had only had one drink. Something was off. 

He pulled away from Ayala, breathing heavily as they both tried to catch their breath. Kylo did a quick sweep of the room, scanning for anything out of the ordinary. He found nothing, besides the usual: whores preying on old, weak men. Droids delivering coins and drinks to the customers. There was absolutely nothing strange or out of place- 

There, in the corner of his vision, a flash of red hair disappearing into a separate room. General Armitage Hux. Where the hell is he going? 

“Let's go find a room, my lord, where we may continue,” Ayala whispered against Kylo's skin as she nibbled and sucked at his neck, surely leaving bruises. She continued to grind her hips against his, and the friction was amazing. Every cell in his body wanted to stay with Ayala, to bend her over one of the casino machines, but General Hux had never said he was joining Kylo in overseeing the preparations for their new weapons export. 

It was odd. 

Rey, of course, had been right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo tlj novelization recently came out??? I’m over here trying not to die because there are spoilers all over the internet??? 
> 
> Someone send help ya girl is procrastinating doing precal and bio:)
> 
> Leave a comment if you, like me, are an emotionally unstable human being :) I’m concealing my pain with smiley faces :):):) can you tell :):):):):) I’ll stop now. Writing the next chapter currently, and it will (hopefully) be up in the next few days.


	6. The Calm Before the Storm

Something was wrong. 

Rey could feel it in the air, a sort of energy; a force. The calm before the storm. 

The mission had gone fine. Well, it had actually gone perfectly. They were loading the ship with plentiful supplies when she heard it: carried on the wind, barely a whisper, but the sound was undeniable. Tie fighters. 

The First Order was here. 

-Two Days Previous-

The meeting was finally over (resistance fighters tended to either be too brief with their instructions, or drag them on for eons), and Rey, headache returning at full-force, was striding for the exit (and a mug of spiced tea), when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

“Rey.” 

She turned, and was met with the slightly withered, but still beautiful, face of General Leia Organa. 

Unable to stop herself, Rey bent at the waist. 

“There's no need for that,” Leia said, waving her hand dismissively. “I'm hardly royalty anymore.” 

“You'll always be a princess to me,” someone said as they put their arms around the general from behind and gave her a great, smacking kiss on the cheek. Poe (fucking) Dameron. Of course. Who else would treat the general with such formality? 

Before she could slap him, Poe danced away from Rey and Leia, blowing them both a kiss before slipping out the door. Rey rolled her eyes, but couldn't repress her laughter (not for lack of trying). She could only imagine Poe attempting the same thing with Ben. Now that would truly be something to witness. 

“I wanted to speak with you before you leave,” Leia said, voice lowering. She placed her hand on Rey's back, leading her to a more secluded space in the council room. “If I ask you to do something, can you promise me you will see it done?” 

Rey frowned. She thought that by now, after everything Rey had done, Leia would trust her. “Of course, general. Anything.” 

“I'm glad to hear it.” Leia took a deep breath before continuing. “I can feel it in the force, Rey. My son is going to find us, and soon. It is only a matter of time.” 

Rey remained silent; she didn't know what to say, exactly. On one hand, she knew that if Ben was close, she would feel it through the bond, but on the other, perhaps … perhaps their bond was broken. The prospect made her feel relieved, but also … Devastated. It was like the world had shifted out of place, a piece missing. A piece Ben had kept that day on Crait. She was empty without it. Wasn't whole. 

“Why are you telling me this, general?” Rey said, fighting to keep her voice from wavering. 

Leia lifted a hand to Rey's face. It was such a motherly action that the Jedi felt the floor fall from under her. 

“Because … When you see Be- Kylo Ren, I want you to kill him.” 

 

-Kylo-

Kylo Ren knew he was arrogant. He was the supreme leader after all. Had grown up with royal blood flowing in his veins and a mighty title hanging over his head. 

But, after his twenty-nine years of life, he had never taken himself for such a fool. 

General Hux, as it turned out, was even more of a traitorous piece-of-shit than Kylo had realized. He knew, somewhere in the dusty corners of his honed mind, that Hux would attempt to betray him and take the Supreme Leader title for himself. Armitage simply couldn't resist belittling Kylo more and more, testing and pressing and pushing him to his breaking point. 

Kylo had simply assumed he would wait longer than four months. 

Perhaps the General truly had a death wish. Kylo would have been happy to oblige it. 

“Please, Supreme Leader, I was only trying to help!” 

The ever-benevolent weasel-faced scum-bag wailed as Kylo dragged him from the council room. 

“By conspiring against me?” 

Oh, that killing calm that entered his voice startled even the fearless General. Kylo rewarded the terror in Hux's eyes by throwing him against the door without lifting a hand. 

“Not conspiring …” the helpless General wheezed as Kylo ever-so-slightly restricted his breathing. 

“Then tell me,” Kylo stepped closer to Armitage's writhing form, a predator stalking it's prey. His gloved fingers twitched, and the pitiful man's knees gave out. “What exactly are you doing here?”  
Fear was welling up inside the hallway, coating every surface and breath that Kylo took. He breathed it in and closed his eyes, enjoying the utter control. 

Hux's response was broken up by heavy pants. “Making sure you don't fuck up our new weapons export, like you did the last time.” 

Rage, if honed, kept on a tight leash, could be wielded like a blade. Kylo had learned through his years as Snoke's apprentice that rage was the one emotion that never failed him. No, it focused him, made him unstoppable. 

Without someone to control that rage, however, the results were disastrous. Snoke, the sack-of-shit that he was, kept Kylo Ren on a very tight leash. Every move was calculated, every thought, every emotion, something that would be used to bring him closer to his goal. 

It was untamed rage, what Kylo felt in that moment. He stepped forward. 

Kylo Ren felt absolutely nothing for the General as he cocked his head, and snapped Armitage Hux's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well would you look at that I finally uploaded. Sorry my dudes, schools been a bit hectic as of late (and by hectic I mean unbearable). That, coupled with me discovering by passing out a few times and having palpitations that something is very wrong with my heart, has made it extremely difficult to find the time to write. A tragedy, I know ;) (note the fucking sarcasm ok pls don't come for me). But, alas, spring break has finally arisen! Hallelujah. Hopefully, if I'm not a lazy sack of shit for the next week, I'll be able to thrust out (wink wonk) some new chapters for y'all. 
> 
> And yeah, I know I killed off a main character and yes it was an impulsive descision but I think we all know weasel-face is gonna die some time in ep. 9, so I thought, "Why the fuck not?" 
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the ramble, leave a comment if you liked me killing off Hux. Or, if you didn't, call me a festering cunt or something too, I'd quite enjoy that.


End file.
